so I more or less had a legit panic attack over that whole zombie video/story last night

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every time I sing in front of a crowd I get this feeling that THIS is what I was meant to do with my life. 

but then I remember that there are a million other singers out there, and that you basically have to be beautiful AND have a great voice, and that the industry ruins people and blah blah

so I guess its just not meant to be. 

but on the plus side I always blow away the competition at karaoke parties

can we just talk about how amazing my mom is?

a few weeks ago when I came out as gay to her and my dad she FREAKED OUT in a bad way and didnt talk to me for 24 hours

but then after a week, she sat me down and told me she loved me either way, and if I could respect her opinions, then she could respect my lifestyle. which was cool in and of itself.

but today when my aunt and cousins were taunting me on how I was ‘too pretty to be a fag’ and I was honestly expecting to have to defend myself alone

she SWOOPED RIGHT THE FUCK IN

AND TOLD THEM TO SHUT THE HELL UP UNLESS THEY WANTED TO BE KICKED OUT AND THAT ITS NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS WHO HER BABY LOVES

and then gave me a cupcake. a fucking cupcake. where did she even get it from?

who is this amazing woman and where has she been my entire life oh my god

venting about commission work ahead

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hm hm hm what to do today what to do

its funny, all semester Ive been WAITING for when I will have some free time. And now that I have it, Im bored?

I already exercised this morning, and took my time making a smoothie. I even re-read the better parts of catching fire for fun.

now what? all my friends are busy. ugh. 

I just cant face my family today

first the marriage amendment that everyone KNOWS I voted against passed

and now obama has officially backed gay marriage

either way, whether the new is good or bad, I feel like all eyes and insults are on me right now. 

My aunt egged me on at dinner by commenting on how Obama was a ‘fag lover’ and declaring she would no longer vote for him come november. It took everything I had to keep my mouth shut. 

My dad mentioned the marriage amendment in passing (he doesnt vote) and my mom took the opportunity to rub it in my face that ‘god intervened in the end’. 

I do not want to look at any of them right now. 

feeling better?

I went for a walk alone. I know Im at the beach in an unfamiliar town, but I needed to clear my head.

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NIGHTNIGHT by DEDDY